I had hoped "time" would erase some of the pain. It hasn't. I know now that the
pain from the loss of a child will never go away. I know too that time doesn't always heal. Yes, I have done what has been
needed to be done. Yes, I work, although right now I am off due to an injury. Yes I laugh sometimes. Yes I cry sometimes.
Especialy in the holiday season coming up.
Jimmy was murdered 31 months and 10 days ago. Holidays are bad still. The time he moved
in with us is coming up in one day. Then the months that follow are the time he was back in my home. Sharing his life with
us for 5 months. I am glad I had this time with him. I am glad he had seen the love of this family again. I am glad to have
a relationship with Jimmy's kids, my grandchildren. I am glad for a healing between his wife and I. I do have much to be thankful
for today. And I am!
I am sad that he saw the hurt that was here from other family members. I am sad it
still is evident today, that time has not healed this family totaly. My oldest still remains outside the family. I pray someday
he can accept us as we are, as we do him. My marriage is still not as it was, but I have had to accept certain circumstances.
I have found I am a lot stronger than I was. I have changed in so many ways though.
I am less trusting. I have seen these past months fly by and know my son is proud of the way I have handled many things. I
know I haven't did everything right. But, I have did it the best way I knew how.
My Angels surround me and this family. I ask not for vengence. I never have and never
will. I ask for justice. This is something that is everyones right. I will not get it though. So I pray for the people responsible
to have a conscience given to them, so that as they live their life, full and without guilt, they will recieve a reminder
of the harm and grief that they instilled on a family that will always love. Always care and always miss!
Our Jimmy
